Everyone is so quiet, like they’re okay with it. I’m not, and if y’all aren’t going to say something, I’m going to. This is my duty to the Gauntlet I was a vocal and dues-paying member of the Gauntlet for nigh on two years. When I say vocal I mean it, I loved what it was as a space and didn’t hesitate to invite other people into it. I was so active in recruiting people that I met into the Gauntlet spaces, and so proud of the space I held there. I met some wonderful people in the corner that was ASPAC, and I love so many of them. This October, I met a handful of the best at Big Bad Con, and solidified a lot of these very real and very important relationships. Within this space I found the support to live as the non-binary person that I am. This place meant a lot to me, and while it obviously still does (enough that I wrote this), the last six months have meant that my feelings toward the Gauntlet are less celebrating what it is, and more mourning the loss of what it was.
I left the Gauntlet proper a few months ago. I left because someone who I believed to be one the beating hearts of the Gauntlet was kicked out, and it was framed firstly as an action of the marginalised reclaiming their space against the white cishets, and secondly as a mutual agreement between friends. Both were lies to cover up violations of community policy by Jason (and not for the first time), and so my trust was broken. I wanted to stay but couldn’t, because I didn’t believe in the Gauntlet’s ability to enforce its own policies. Since then, I’ve taken every opportunity to look for a way to come back, even lurking on these foruns. I have so missed the community, missed the love, the care, the warm open arms, and the self-indulgent RPG bullshit that we were so damn good at. I’ve missed having designers to playtest with, I’ve missed seeing people offer each other stars and dreams, I’ve missed you all. But in all these months I’ve found no reason to trust that it could ever be any different.
The Gauntlet is inherently intangible. The majority of the community exists on the Slack, and that slack is remarkably temporary. Besides the paywall, the message limit of Slack eats everything. Pictures of friends, well considered game ideas, and (importantly) the hurt that people have experienced. This leads to a “hold off on dealing with complaints until they get eaten by time, then just pretend everything was solved”. I’ve seen it again and again from the inside and out. Over the last few months, while I have looked for every excuse for you to prove my fears wrong, the Gauntlet has constantly reinforced that it intends to let everything blow over and then return to the status quo. Jason has pushed at boundaries without any remorse or restoration, including just creating Gauntlet Con games, publishing blog posts (which was one of the main avenues of abuse), or creating new spaces where he is not accountable. The leadership team has allowed this by confining all discussion to the slack, or locking Shane’s post and saying “we’ll talk about this later” (I mean, seriously?!?), The Gauntlet has continually shown me reasons to continue my distrust.
One of the biggest symbols that the Gauntlet was a caring place of safety, where voices were heard, was the large amount of marginalised people. The sexual- and gender-diverse, the people of colour, the chronically ill, those outside of the US. The Gauntlet really opened up its arms and (via the diversity buddies) its wallets to the people often neglected. But when I look at who is leaving the Gauntlet, and especially who is stepping down from leadership positions, I overwhelmingly am seeing an exodus of these marginalised people. There are some who have remained, and I’m proud of their desire to reform what once was. I’m proud of their resilience. I wish I had it.
But look at where power rests, look at who is being listened to, and look at who is driving the tempo of “reconciliation” (or more accurately, “business as usual”). Ask yourself: Is it being driven by those hurt, or by those in power who did the hurting?
The “wait and see,” “locked until we have time to have this discussion,’’ element of both Jason and the Gauntlet’s resolution process is a lie. It’s designed to wait for hurt to blow over so that they can get back to doing what pays without having to change their business. The Gauntlet is incredibly driven by Gauntlet Publishing these days, and right now the leadership of both has more investment in pretending that there is no issue than being true to their community. Don’t forget that the current leaders of the Gauntlet proper are the person that gets all the money, and the main recipient(s) of that money. There is a lot more investment in making sure you stay quiet and pay, than you stay happy and safe.
It is likely that this discussion will be locked or edited or reduced in some way. Robert says the moderators can’t handle this discussion right now, which should cause you to ask “how fractured is the leadership team that they can’t moderate one of the most reasonable forums on the face of the internet?” Robert’s actions in locking Shane’s thread when there were still many questions and dissenting opinions was a perfect 10 on the Gauntlet checkbox of conflict resolution: Deny there’s a problem, and if there is, just delay until no one asks about it any more.
Well, I’m done with delaying. This is my public apology to everyone Jason and the Gauntlet hurt while I was a part of it. I mourn for the loss of the Gauntlet of a year or two ago, and I mourn for the loss of the values it held dear.
To everyone in it who worry (as I did) that leaving the Gauntlet means you’re leaving the only safe loving RPG place on the internet: No. There are plenty. Part of the Gauntlet’s plan to invest you in the space was an “us vs them” attitude, where everyone in the Slack was wonderful and caring, and everyone outside was toxic and jealous, looking for a way to bring us down (“Social media hellscape”, “homophobic RPG industry”). That isn’t true in the slightest: I am filling a beautiful Venn diagram with wonderful people, and I’m not supporting any abuse to do it. Again I know that some of you will stay, to help fix the Gauntlet and make it a great space again. I sincerely wish you good luck in leaving or staying, both of those endeavours are worthy of you.
@dominik, if asking is a privileged stance you’re not willing to entertain, don’t sweat. You don’t need to ask
@transalaskan is telling you, without asking, and so am I. If you’re not willing to do anything about it, fine, but don’t pretend it’s because you didn’t know. As my boy B.I.G. once said “and if you don’t know, now you know”.
