Hey, peeps!
I recently published the quickstart for fantasypunk and I’d love some constructive criticism.
My main points are the 5 basic moves based on Traits and the Burden system.
You can check it out on itch:
Thank you all!
Fantasypunk quickstart - could use some feedback!
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(you’ve got to void links down the itch page, as much as I like reading game drafts I won’t pay 5 dollars and I don’t qualify for a Community copy 
)
Hum. I mean, I didn’t find it anywhere on the page. Do you mean in the dev logs ?
Its this section here:
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Alright, my Firefox maybe blocked the popup for some unknown reason. Working fine now;
Your writing is good. This below is what I mean when I say “show, don’t tell” in a roleplaying game:
Heroes are often thought of as paragons of strength, wisdom, or virtue who always seem to figure out what to do, or always get the specific help they need when they get stuck. They seem to never face hopelessness or loss for too long, or only for long enough to turn those into yet another form of power.
So they stride across the land, stomping over every challenge in their path, destroying everything that opposes them, and disregarding all folk, magic, or nature that happen to be in their way.
Too bad that you then state “The tales told here are not about them”. I would prefer if you talked about your game, and not other games. It’s easier to describe a pear by stating it’s “a pear” instead of “not an apple”. I’ve made this mistake myself for my first games.
I love that you say things like how many hours a session should take.
Principles could be cut in half. Half of it could be incorporated in a structure of play, and the other half could go to the agenda.
Feels weird to read the Introduction (a chapter I can’t find in the menu to the left) that summarize the game, and then Pillars of Play that summarize the game again. Makes the game feel a bit vague. Possibly Pillars of Play could be cut in half: half of it goes to Introduction, half of it goes to Creating the cast.
The Overview is spot on. More games should write the structure of play. It makes the game soo much easier to comprehend. Excellent that you wrote an end condition. Again, more games should strive for this so it’s easier to understand how the game should be played.
I don’t have so much to say about Basic Moves and anything beyond that.
Overall, I get a vague feeling of what the game is about - the atmosphere of the game is more hinted than printed. I would have liked the moves to breathe more atmosphere. Right now, the game feels a bit generic and not a game that is about “…more fallible people. Complex, troubled, wondrous, and broken people”. The game loop doesn’t seem to enforce this, other than the players choosing to activate burdens.
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Sorry for the late reply!
I’ll take these into my notes for the update I am working on! My reply is in the short end this time, but I promise I’ll come back for a better response!
I’ve been working on these moves for a few days now, they feel more solid and rounded
Common Moves
Remarkable Moves
Please let me know your thoughts.
hey, peeps! I made some big updates to fantasypunk and I’d greatly appreciate feedback on it.
main changes include:
- an overhaul of the basic moves (core moves)
- the 5 basic moves have been turned into a 2-punch move: give it a try and take a chance
- the body of the game has been reorganized, based on Jason Tocci’s concept of 3 Layers of Rules
- there’s a lot of terminology regarding the players that I am changing around
- added a roles and responsibilities section based on Roles and Responsibilities, by Hecking Viv
- created mechanics for collaborative contributions to the narrative based on the Co-op dice mechanics, by Thomas Manuel and Finding Styles, by Valery North
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